When infertility strikes

“For me the pain was intense every Christmas, every birthday. The child that I wanted so desperately was never there, and as my husband and I went from tests to drugs to IVF I kept feeling more isolated from the normal happy people – including my family,” says Julie*, 38, of Montreal, Quebec.

Her mother, Marie, 62, also of Montreal, reminisces, “It was as though my daughter was somehow behind a veil of anger,” she says. “Many days it was the way it had always been but other days it was like having to walk on nails, everything had a sting to it.”

And of course Marie wondered if it was her fault, “I smoked and drank when I was pregnant with Julie; everyone did it at that time. But I wondered if maybe it was that that caused these problems or something else that I did or did not do…. It is very hard to see a child suffer, but all that Julie would say was that I could not understand.”

And Marie couldn't, Julie maintains. “At first she kept telling me to relax. Everyone that I've spoken with says the same, that they are told to relax and let nature take its course. It has to be one of the most annoying things people can say…. They say to adopt. There is nothing wrong with that, adoption, but I wanted to carry a child inside me and to have a child that was part me and part my husband. Nothing could take away the sting every month that we didn't conceive.”

Statistics on infertility are hotly contested, as they may be based only on those couples who seek treatment. But a 1999 survey by Health Canada estimated that 7 per cent of Canadian couples in their reproductive years are affected by infertility. Sexually transmitted diseases and delayed childbearing were identified as two of the most important risk factors of infertility – not maternal lifestyle. (In Julie and Marc's case, the cause is not known.)